Thursday, September 29, 2011

I think I am going to return to blogging.  At least as much as I am able having three children, a home, a husband, and going to school full-time, but I enjoyed it and believe I will again.  I'm going to talk and show crafts, my health journey, and lots about family and probably faith.  I have at least two craft projects I want to show, but I don't have pictures yet so I'll wait on those.  Today, I will start with a health topic.

I am very overweight.  I've been this way as long as I can remember, but I am currently at my highest weight.  With that being said I want to clarify.  This is not a weight-loss journey.  This is a health seeking journey.  I need to be healthy.  I have three children.  I want to run with them and live long and see them marry and become a grandma!!  At my currently unhealthy state I don't think I'll make that.  So, I'm making steps to get there.  I also want my children to be healthy.  I'm a hypocrite if I tell them they can't eat that much or that thing and then do it myself.  I can't tell them to go exercise (it's called playing for them of course) if I don't.  If I want them to make smart choices I must show them how.  That my friends is a great big responsibility.  One I know longer intend to shirk.  So, I have a plan.

This plan has steps.  Baby steps.  One, don't go anywhere near a scale.  I may even have it taken to my in-laws to remove the temptation.  It's about health.  Not what number is on that scale.  The scale makes me a crazy person.  I start getting on it twenty times a day.  Then I get upset if it goes up or doesn't go down.  Then, because I'm an emotional eater, I eat, because I'm frustrated.  Then I'm more frustrated.  Then I see lots and lots of good UNHEALTHY food that I've been depriving myself of and I throw in the towel with the thought of, "It's not working anyway so why not eat a whole pizza or two double quarter pounders with a large fry?"  Then I just go on eating whatever I want, whenever I want, and however much I want.  So no scale.  That is baby step number one.  I don't know the number, don't wanna know the number, not gonna think about the number.

Baby step number 2.  This is the one I've always LOATHED.  Exercise.  Yes, it's that ugly ugly E word.  I am not a sporty gal.  I don't like to sweat.  Maybe that's why I've decided to put it almost first.  So in this goal is a mini-goal.  Make it FUN.  If I enjoy it, I'm more apt to do it.  Today I danced for 30 minutes.  AND I thoroughly enjoyed it.  I did not follow a zumba routine or any routine.  I have a Zumba DVD, a Pilates DVD, and I think Tae Bo around here somewhere.  But I always feel out of step and I always feel like I'm doing it "wrong."  I think about how stupid I probably look and get all self-conscience.  Then what do I do?  Yes, I quit.  Then I eat.  While I sit on the couch and watch those "healthy" people finish their intricate routine.  And I watch them not sweat.  And not gasp for air.  And not collapse on the floor wondering if they are dying.  Then I make fun of them while I eat my peanut butter covered brownie.  Now, I'm not saying I won't put those tapes to use at some point, but for now it's all about fun.  I like to dance when it's just me and the music.  When I feel free and move however I want whenever I want.  I can speed up when I want and slow down when I want.  I laugh and I smile because it feels good and it's fun.  I made a discovery!  Pandora has a workout section of stations.  I found one I thought I'd like to dance to and I went into my room and I cranked it up and I danced.  I would have danced longer, but the hubby came home and wouldn't quit watching me so that ruined most of my fun so I quit.  But I could have and would have enjoyed dancing more.  Because it was FUN!!  I focused on keeping my gut sucked in.  (Hello core muscles!!)  I focused on moving all my parts that move.  I focused on getting my heart rate up and keeping it up while I danced.  That's it.  So, what did I do?  Today I SUCCEEDED.  I exercised.  I will exercise at least every other day.  If I didn't do it yesterday I will not give myself the choice today.  I plan on varying this as much as possible.  I have a treadmill, all those tapes, a bicycle, a Total Gym, and hand weights.  So who knows what I'll do tomorrow or the next day.  I don't even know, but I do know I'm going to try to enjoy it!!

Finally, the last step I'm adding right now.  #3.  Drink one glass (at least 8oz) of water per hour.  That's it.  For now I'm not limiting any other drinks I'm just adding in the water.  One glass per hour.  I start that tomorrow.  

I don't know what step will be next or when I'll be ready to add another, but for now I'm good with it.  I'm motivated.  I'm even excited.  I'm not going to lie and say that I don't want weight-loss results.  I want to fit into clothes I've outgrown and then I want to have to buy a smaller sized wardrobe.   But I can't make it about that.  It's about making healthier choices and faith.  Faith that I can get healthy.  Faith that I'll stick with it.  Faith that the smaller clothes are coming.  Faith that I'll see my healthy babies grow to be healthy adults who have healthy babies with a healthy grandmother.  That's it.

Sorry this went long, but if you have hung in there I hope you are happy, healthy, and have faith!!  Hopefully I will be able to add crafty's in the next few days!!